It was March 14, 2007. It was a typical Wednesday in my house. I'm a stay at home mother to two girls, a then 3 year old daughter and a then 10 month old daughter. It was lunch time so my older daughter wanted peanut butter and jelly. She asked to have it in the living room with her movie so I pulled out the old rug and told her she couldn't take it off the rug. We already had an idea that my youngest Heidi was allergic to dairy so I put her in her walker so she couldn't get to her sister’s lunch. 

I made the sandwich and the baby wanted some so I thought well it’s only 2 months till she is a year so a tiny bit of peanut butter won’t hurt. I thought it would be funny to see how she dealt with the sticky so I grabbed my camera and gave her a touch - about the size of a half teaspoon. Meanwhile I went back to my room dumped some clothes on the bed and went back to her. I heard her coughing so I thought I’d better get her some soy milk. I poured her a cup of soy milk and she had already finished the peanut butter. She was still coughing a little but I thought it was due to how sticky the peanut butter was. I gave her a tiny bit more just a flick off my finger and began to clean up. That is when it all went downhill. 

She kept coughing so I went over to her and noticed the bottom half of her jaw was white with hives. I thought Oh **. I grabbed the phone and called her doctor’s office. They told me to give her a teaspoon of Benadryl®, and that if she was not better in 15 minutes to get her to the hospital. So after talking with them I called my husband and told him what they had said. While talking to him she threw up the meds. I called my mother and asked her should I give her some more and she said "No, you don't know how much she got, call the Doctor back." In the process of this, time seemed to be flying - everything was just racing and going too fast. I told my mother "Mom it looks as if her face is growing." My mother told me to leave the room and come back and look at her. When I did her whole face was swollen. 

Her eyes were swollen shut and her bottom lip was hanging down to her jaw. She was screaming and coughing and crying and reaching for me. It’s the most heart breaking thing you will ever see. I told my Mom I was calling the doctor just as I said that she stopped breathing. Just silence. No crying, No sobbing to get her breath. I yelled at my Mom, “She just quit breathing!” and hung up on her. I dialed 911. 

While I dialed she grasped for air. I was so relieved to hear her scream. I told the operator everything; she told me my daughter was having anaphylactic shock. She told me that the ambulance was on the way to stay on the line. By this time I was a nervous wreck. I had no clue what my other daughter was doing or thinking. I was holding my baby who could not see, or smell and she was hysterical. Just as I heard the sirens she went silent again. I thought, “Please baby don't do this to me. Hold on.” 

I held her and rubbed her arms and talked to her so she knew that she was not alone. She was red all over and had hives all over her face and chest. Her face was huge. Her bottom lip was just hanging there fat with drool dripping everywhere. You couldn't see her big beautiful blue eyes. As the ambulance pulled up and the paramedics jumped out the medic rushed to me and I to him. He grabbed my baby and ran to the ambulance. I was right behind him when I heard the most awful thing. He said to his partner, "Get me an EpiPen® or we are going to lose this baby." 

You can never know how much you love your children till you are faced with the hard fact that you can lose them. When he gave her the EpiPen® she let out a scream. I thought, “thank you, thank you.” Sometime during all that I called her father and told him to get home; that the baby was having a severe allergic reaction to peanut butter. He wanted to ask how she got it, why she had it, and other things. I don't remember all of the conversation with him. 

In the ambulance they tried to get an IV in her but they could not get it in her tiny veins. It seemed as if we sat there forever while they tried to get the IV in her arms. My neighbors were all over talking to me and I had no clue what they were saying. It was then I realized that my baby was going to be OK. I had my first thought of where is my other child. That may sound horrible, but you lose track of time and everything. 

My neighbor was holding my oldest. She brought her to the ambulance and set her down with me. I remember leaning over and squeezing her hand - her tiny hand - and telling her that sissy was going to be OK, that everything was OK now. She was so good. She wasn't crying or anything - just real quiet and watching everyone. What a little trooper. 

Finally we were off to the hospital. I told one of the neighbors that when dad got there to tell him what hospital we were heading to. The whole way to the hospital was horrible. Sirens blaring and my oldest being so well behaved sitting there and being calm. I told her she was great and that sissy was going to be fine now. The paramedics gave her some more Benadryl®
and still tried to get an IV in her. She was still beet red, and swollen. 

When we arrived at the hospital, I finally could see her blue eyes again. They kept us for 4 hours to make sure that she would not have another reaction. I know they gave her some steroids but I don't recall the name of them. They sent us home with a prescription for EpiPen®, Jr. We have to carry these with us all the time now and Benadryl®.

Afterwards is when things hit me. My husband was the worse. He blamed me. He was mad that I did not call him and tell him we were leaving with the ambulance. He did not see her pretty little face swollen or hear the horrible silences of her not breathing. I wish that I could have him tell you his side but he has nothing to do with her allergies. He knows that she has them and tries to keep an eye on her. But to be honest I would not trust him alone with her. 

The hospital told us we needed to see an allergy specialist. I made the appointment for as soon as possible. I also asked my husband to take the day off and come with us. I wanted him to hear how serious this was. I was hoping that by a doctor telling him how life threatening this was that it would make him take it easier on me. He keeps telling me that I over react; that I'm too cautious. 

Trust me there is never enough caution in your child's life once you hear the fatal words that "we are going to lose this child.” We had my daughter checked and found out that she is severely allergic to dairy, eggs, and peanuts. On a scale of 1-4 she hit 4 + on those things. It is a struggle each day to keep food away from her, and also watch everything I eat. I'm still nursing. 

My older daughter is 4 now and she is becoming very aware that her baby sister can't have certain things. Some days she is very vigilant and watchful. Other days she is a typical 4 year old running wild and leaving cheese lying around or other things her sister can't have. My husband still blames me. I think he always will. He doesn't seem to understand why, when she is only 1 year old now, I worry about when she starts school; how will she make friends; what about the 30 minute bus ride home. He has no clue how hard holidays will be with her. 

I admit I do baby her more than my oldest, but to me she is my special little girl I have to keep a closer eye on her. There are a lot of great sites out there and wonderful books also. I suggest that you read about it as much as possible. My child's chance of out growing the milk and eggs allergy is pretty good the doctor says. Maybe by the time she starts school. 

But as for her peanut allergy they say she has a 20% chance to outgrow it. The other bad thing is the bills the ambulance ride alone was not covered by her insurance and that cost my husband 600 dollars. That was just the ambulance. The hospital bill was in the thousands. I hope that this helps other parents, or at least lets others know that they are not alone out there. I know that I can’t wait to hear how others are dealing with their child's allergies.

Kimberly
Lake Sherwood, Missouri